i don't get it

never did

when my neck bloats and turns to red

and i suffocate

and my pupils drown in strange salty water

and it all becomes blurry

is it a sort of human rain?

a means to an end

a need

come to think of it, my soil's run dry

my skin is pealing

and a fistful of hair, i remember

autumn is late this year

i fear he might not even show

i fear i may have swallowed it while gasping for air that chilly day

mouth open wide

dry tongue stretched out

like a branch

that's when my lashes started falling

could i be autumn in becoming?

i do not get it

never will

October should have knocked

half nude in dim light
i couldn't hear the phone ring
it did not ring at all
or did it?

nevermind

then again, was it january?
when our feet got tangled
when our fingers scissored
and our knees kissed
and your hands held my hips while i shook clumsily
and i laughed like i did when i was a kid
and you caught me by surprise
and left my window open

and swallowed the key

or did you dump it in the ocean?

i never changed the lock
it's been chilly ever since

anyway
October should have knocked
and you should have left me your scarf

i'm sorry
my eyes, they are wide, i know
you are bound to see your reflection


is this why you pull away?

as i waltz slowly to the rythm of autumn leaves
i wonder
is this the burried sound of every farewell?